So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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