dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
