I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize