its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
