I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
