It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
