Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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