he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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