escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
