i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
