I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
