all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
