i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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