Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
