I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
