I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
