i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
