ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
