i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
