can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just high enough for therapy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
