Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
