It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
