the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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