Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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