Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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