No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
