piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
