ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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