Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
