i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
