when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
