sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
love makes seman taste better
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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