I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
