It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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