I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
