yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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