I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
