the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
