About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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