I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
