how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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