Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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