I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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