I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
