I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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