If i come over, it means nothing
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
