i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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