We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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