Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize