Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
