i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
