My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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