How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
