The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
