in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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