I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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