My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
