Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize