Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will pee on everything he values.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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