Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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