Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
