no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
