I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
