Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
