one two three fourrrrnication!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
