two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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