oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize