Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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