Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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