i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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