Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
