I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
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"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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