All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
