New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
