I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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