Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
