the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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