The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
