Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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