i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
